Hi ravioli. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so, so sorry for your struggles with vaginismus. I, too, had primary vaginismus for all of my 20s and into my early 30s up until 2011. Please know that you have found an excellent place of support and you are not alone with this problem at all. Currently, there are over 785 Forum members who have all either had, currently have, or in some way are affected by vaginismus. Together, we can all learn from each other and be an excellent community of support. For all of the years that I had vaginismus, I told none of my closest girlfriends and it was very, very isolating. I currently don’t want a single person to feel like I did back then and, again, want you to know that you have my support and understanding 100%!
I want to share information with you on working with vaginal dilators. I’ve used both the Pure Romance dilator set as well as the Pacik Glass ones and like them both. The Pure Romance ones are great because they’re a softer silicone material and have handles which makes them easier to insert and remove. They also have many, many different sizes. I also really like the Pacik Glass ones because they, too, have the handles and they are shorter in length so you don’t feel them as much and can do other things with them in. I want to share the link for the second issue of the VaginismusMD Newsletter that discusses all-things dilating. Specific topics include: Styles and Materials of Dilators, Getting Started with Dilation (includes information on ordering dilator set), Anxiety Control, Advanced Dilation Techniques, and Transitioning to Intercourse. http://www.vaginismusmd.com/support/vaginismus-newsletter-archive/ins-outs-vaginal-dilation/#sthash.kAelUpP1.dpuf I also used a combination of Lidocaine/Surgilube as a lubricant on the dilators. I liberally used this and it made beginning insertion much more doable.
Ok, I hope all of this helps and again want you to know that I am sincerely here for you along your journey of overcoming vaginismus. Sending you support.