Hi Hope. I am so, so sorry for what you are currently going through. I had vaginismus during all of my 20s and into my early 30s. My then boyfriend, now husband, was also passive about it. He wanted to make love to me but did not want anything to do with vaginismus and felt, too, like it was my problem to fix and then we could make love. I eventually found Dr. Pacik’s website and ordered his book and, for the first time, involved my hubby and asked him to read it which he did. He then did become interested in this treatment as he saw that other couples also had our same problem. We had the Botox treatment program in NH and he was involved with the dilating afterwards (i.e. being by my side as I practiced inserting, removing, and reinserting the dilators and then placing his hand over mine as we did this). This was hard for me in the beginning as I, too, always saw it as my own problem to fix but with the support of Dr. P and his staff, I, too began to see it as something my hubby and I could work at and overcome together as a team.

I agree with what Lulu wrote: “I won’t agree with giving you ultimatums but I realize that it may be simply that [your BF] is lost about it all just like you are and is handling it the only way he knows how. I have no way of knowing if this is true for him, but sometimes men feel the best way of handling something is just letting us women figure it out. Then they reap the benefits. Men do this in a lot of situations not just personal ones.”

This is certainly how my hubby was until he read Dr. P’s book and saw that other people had this same problem. I would definitely encourage you to share Dr. P’s book with your boyfriend http://www.amazon.com/When-Sex-Seems-Impossible-Vaginismus-ebook/dp/B004GNFTNU and to also encourage him to read Dr. P’s blog and join the Men’s Forum: http://www.vaginismusmd.com/support/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=292

I think you have made absolutely tremendous progress. As I wrote above, I suffered with vaginismus all through my 20s and into my early 30s and could never insert a thing, even a q-tip or the smallest tampon without excruciating pain.

I also wanted to encourage you to contact Maze Women’s Sexual Health and work with them in any way possible.
914.328.3700 or info@MazeWomensHealth.com

Dr. Pacik trained their group and they specialize in treating vaginismus. Not only do they provide the Botox treatment program, but they also provide other several other treatment options as well. And, they also have out-of-town treatment options. I wanted to share a few links with you:



So importantly, please know that I, along with the Forum, are all here to support you. Please write back and let us know how you are doing. Sending huge hugs!!!