I had the procedure in July and consider myself 98% cured. That 2% is just some mild anxiety and psychological issues that remain that I may never get over but does not affect me physically.
I realize that vaginismus is no walk in the park for the men. I can understand the levels of frustration they have and I can understand the anger some may have. Those are completely valid, human, feelings to have and no one can fault them for having those emotions.
However, it is important that every man realizes it is not under the woman’s control. I am sure you know it is a physical reaction to anxiety not a lot unlike a nervous stomach or nervous eye twitch but obviously much more invasive . But does your boyfriend know all of this? I think it would do him a lot of good to read more about the condition. Dr. Pacik’s book (When Sex Seems Impossible) has male perspectives and this forum has several perspectives from men that might help him understand more and realize he isn’t alone in this either. I won’t agree with giving you ultimatums but I realize that it may be simply that he is lost about it all just like you are and is handling it the only way he knows how. I have no way of knowing if this is true for him, but sometimes men feel the best way of handling something is just letting us women figure it out. Then they reap the benefits. Men do this in a lot of situations not just personal ones. When you are in a relationship, though, vaginismus is an OUR problem not a YOUR problem.
I hope my input is helpful and I hope you realize and truly believe that the progress you have made is amazing and do not let anyone let you think otherwise.