Re: Feeling Lost and Hopeless

[Heather34]

Hi Alex. Thank you so much for your post and it is wonderful to talk to you. I am so sorry for what you and your wife are currently going through. I think it is wonderful that you were able in the past with the use of dilators and specialists to have regular, reduced pain sex. Now, after everything that has occurred, my thoughts are, as Dr. Pacik suggested, finding a way to re-gain the motivation to work with the dilators again. I would definitely try making it new and different and trying to use either the Pure Romance dilators or Pacik Glass dilators.

Pure Romance Dilators: http://www.vaginismusmd.com/aidsproducts/dilators/pure-romance-vaginal-dilators-set-of-6-dilators/

“The Pure Romance Vaginal Dilators are soft, smooth and flexible. They are available as six tapered, graduated sizes made out of 100% silicone and are used to slowly stretch the vaginal walls, making penetration and transition to intercourse more comfortable. Plastic vaginal dilators are available on the Internet but many of my patients have indicated that they are stiff and uncomfortable. I find these dilators are not user-friendly and I prefer to use the Pure Romance Vaginal Dilators made from medical grade silicone because they are soft, smooth and flexible. The larger #5 and #6 dilators are made too long and it is for this reason I introduced shorter glass dilators. When using silicone dilators one must use a water or oil based lube and avoid silicone based lubes because “like dissolves like” which alters the structure of silicone dilators.

The Pure Romance Vaginal Dilators come as 6 dilators to a set with the following circumferences:
 # 1 Dilator = 2 inches or 50.8 mm (length = 2.5 inches)
 # 2 Dilator = 2.5 inches or 63.5 mm (length = 3 inches)
 # 3 Dilator = 2.75 inches or 69.85 mm (length = 3.5 inches)
 # 4 Dilator = 3.25 inches or 82.55 mm (length = 4 inches)
 # 5 Dilator = 4 inches or 101.6 mm (length = 5 inches)
 # 6 Dilator = 5 inches or 127 mm (length = 6 inches)

Set of 6 dilators = $89.00 plus shipping

Because the Pure Romance Vaginal Dilators are 100% medical-grade silicone and non-porous, they are easy to clean and disinfect.”

Glass Dilators: http://crystaldelights.com/shop/dilators/#sthash.Uuhr4cf4.dpuf

“Shellie of Crystal Delights and Dr. Pacik came up with some concepts, and she later attended one of his discussions where he would also perform surgery. In Shellie’s own words, this was a life changing event. One of Dr. Pacik’s patients flew in all the way from the U.K., and before her treatment for Vaginismus, she was in tears and completely distraught. After treatment, the transformation Shellie witnessed was incredible. The woman was all smiles, a changed person. This was the moment Shellie fully realized how much good they were doing. They were truly changing people’s lives. For years, women living with this condition have felt that they’ve had nowhere to turn, and that there was nothing out there that could help them. Many women have come to Dr. Pacik at their whit’s end. They have seen other doctors and undergone treatment after treatment with no success, and only after being treated by Dr. Pacik are they finally able to achieve the results they want. These dilators truly are revolutionary; they have changed the way this condition is treated, and they have helped so many women live the lives they’ve always wanted to.
Our dilators are designed to never exceed a length of 3 1/2 inches, which is the average length of a woman’s vagina. This makes dilation much more comfortable, especially for longer periods of time. We’ve also given the base an ergonomic design with a folded lip rim which makes contact with the vulva more comfortable, and allows it to sit closer to the body. This allows the user to dilate for long periods of time, and during normal activity. You can wear one to work, while you’re shopping, or while you watch TV. Dilation can be done virtually any time, any place. This is an important part of treating Vaginismus, and one of the reasons why our design has been successful in such an unprecedented way.”

I have tried both and there are so many things that I like about each. Concerning the Pure Romance ones, they are of a soft silicone material and all different colors and they have handles which makes insertion, removal, and reinsertion more doable. The glass ones may sound intimidating and initially did to me as well, but they are excellent and are shorter in length so your wife could do other things while dilating. One member here even posted about shopping while dilating. http://www.vaginismusmd.com/support/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=104 Another thing that may really, really help is for you or her to post regarding your progress with the use of the dilators. Then, we can all provide ideas, suggestions, and tips along the way.

A further idea would be to talk to Maze Women’s Sexual Health in NY. They have continued on the work of Dr. Pacik and offer the Botox treatment program along with progressive dilation. They offer an out-of-town option and also work with a specialist to obtain insurance coverage. They further do complimentary initial intakes as Dr. Pacik did and working with them in any way could be an excellent option.

I would love to talk back and forth with your wife as I have gone through vaginismus as well. Perhaps if she will not post, we could email back and forth together and I could support her in this way and support you through the Forum. Sending hugs to you both.