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“There is no good singing, there is only present and absent.”
~ Jeff Buckley
Every mental absence represents a moment of life unlived. Habitual lack of presence has many faces: inhibition, negligence, preoccupation, delusion, disguise, or dissociation. We all know people who seem absent–who check out–and it’s easy to understand their behavior as having a historical basis. But the principle of projection expressed in the adage, “Takes one to know one,” tells us that, since we perceive only what we ourselves exhibit, the inattention we note in others reflects our own unexcused absences. But there’s a saving twist to the projection principle: By projecting deeper to perceive the divine presence of every moment, we make our own inner potential fully present. As life presents itself on many levels, so we may be present for life on many levels.
We can all envision how we want to be and the quality of relating we’d like. So what’s stopping us? We might have certain blocks about the idea of being present, of showing up. People may hesitate to reveal true selves when past experiences didn’t go as planned. Always to function in full presence might seem to require too much effort, as if we only had a limited amount of energy at our disposal. And it will surely deplete us until we install a new working concept: Anything we want to become–to express in presence–we must first perceive. The fact that certain higher concepts exist in the world instructs us that higher truths are to be found within us as well. It is said that “nothing is ever manifested in an effect that is not in the cause.” Perhaps the truest desire is to be fully present, to recognize the livingness of the world in all we see, to know that everything reflects a higher order sparkling with connection and meaning.
DAILY HEALTHY SEX ACTS
• Everything you perceive is your presence. Today, look deeply into every moment and perceive divine presence. Recognize each circumstance as having a particular bearing on your soul. Over time, this practice will bring you presence of mind and make manifest your own catalytic presence.
• Strengthen your sexual presence with your beloved. Let your interactions be intentional. Rouse yourself from sleepwalking, from taking relationship for granted. Slow down, look deeply into your lover’s eyes, and let yourself be seen. Affirm your feelings with affectionate compliments and pause, letting your lover linger on your words as your find real ways to present your truth.
From the MIRROR OF INTIMACY book The Daily Meditation Book by Alexandra Katehakis and Tom Bliss