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Dr. Pacik


“In the summer
I stretch out on the shore
And think of you.
Had I told the sea
What I felt for you,
It would have left its shores,
Its shells,
Its fish,
And followed me.”
~ Nizar Qabbani

The state of being romantically and sexually connected to another is a sacred calling and one that should not be taken lightly. To love another is a great responsibility, and one that we can easily forget when the thrill of new love has morphed into quieter comfort and connection. All too often, we take our mates for granted and even begin to resent them. By doing so we trample on their hearts in self-serving ways. We may become habituated to bickering and arguing, projecting our hurts onto the person in front of us who has entrusted her or his most tender, vulnerable self to our care.

A key charge when in coupleship is the commitment to understand the depths of who the other was, is, and is becoming, and to tend to him or her accordingly. At the same time, we must commit to delve more deeply into our own dynamic issues, and aim to be transparent about our own evolution. All mammals need initial relationship to survive; human beings need relationship throughout life in order to grow, develop, and flourish.

But romantic passion recedes over time, so creativity becomes another crucial obligation. Conjuring novel experiences to share, keeping our self interesting through unique pursuits, and giving each other enough space to explore the world independently keep coupleships vital. Both planned date nights and spontaneous activities can bring shared laughter and happiness–a sure way to release dopamine in the brain. Sexual novelty will spice things up, further raising dopamine levels and enjoyment of our time together. At our core, we are all tender, feeling beings who need one another to support our emotional, sexual and physical thriving over a lifetime. Tread lightly on your partner’s heart. It was given to you for safekeeping.

• When the going gets rough in your relationship, what do you do? Do you examine your own issues, attempt to understand your partner more deeply, or start packing?
• Write your definition of what it means to be in coupleship and ask your partner to do the same. Share your musings with each other.

From the MIRROR OF INTIMACY book The Daily Meditation Book by Alexandra Katehakis and Tom Bliss

Note: They are having a 40% Black Friday sale off the cost of their book November 26,27