During my counseling session on day 2 of treatment I stress the importance of “Mindful Dilation”. Most women fear the dilation portion of vaginismus treatment yet this is an exceedingly important part of the program. Being mindful during dilation has been of great value to many of my patients.
“Leave your front door and your back door open. Allow your thoughts to come and go. Just don’t serve them tea.”
~ Shunryu Suzuki
To be mindful is to be dead center in the present. Gurus and teachers from the beginning of time have pointed the way to this single moment where the past and present collide with the future, by reminding us to be here now. Infants and children model how to be present in the here and now. You’ve probably noticed that when a baby is hungry he cries, when her diaper’s wet she fusses, and when something catches his eye, he laughs with delight. Their capacity for self-referencing has not developed yet, so they have no choice but to express purely present awareness. To be mindful, then, is to tame the thoughts scampering through our minds every minute by focusing on what’s dead center in our immediate experience.
Sight, smell, sound, taste, and touch are all portals to the present. Next time you’re watching a sunrise or seeing your lover’s face, really look. Make contact with the full essence of your being as if you’ve never seen the sun or those eyes before, and notice what happens in your body. Smell the nape of her neck, his hair and skin, and take in the effect it has on your arousal system. Listen to the sounds of pleasure that arise during your love-making and the feel of your lover’s body above and below you. Taste her tongue and let your tongues mingle, focusing only on that sensation. Concentrating on your body is a mindfulness practice designed to give you permission to experience your pleasure. And the key to mindfulness (perhaps ironically) is to get out of your head and to resist the rule of thought. Simple awareness of what’s in front of you–what you’re seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting or touching–brings you into the eternal now.
DAILY HEALTHY SEX ACTS
• Sit quietly with your eyes open. Really see your surroundings. Now, notice your other senses, and how your noisy thoughts distract you from them. Be interested only in the sensations and senses in your body.
• When you eat your next meal, do so in silence. Make it a practice to taste each morsel of food as you gently chew. Don’t chew your thoughts! Savor each swallow before going on to the next.
• Treat your lover the way you treat your meal. Touch him or her carefully and deliberately, take him or her in, and savor every moment.
From the MIRROR OF INTIMACY book The Daily Meditation Book by Alexandra Katehakis and Tom Bliss