Hi girlonthemoon! Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I had vaginismus all during my 20s and felt so many similar things as you describe. I never shared this part of my life with any of my best friends at the time and it was very hard as my then boyfriend/now husband and the few doctors we visited were the only ones who knew about it. I think it is so, so awesome that you have done so well with using the dilators and are ready to transition to intercourse. I haven’t had the same problem you describe as I’ve been with my hubby all through my 20s but I know that other Forum members have. In the past, one Forum member, who was single at the time of her treatment, wrote about her experience with transitioning post-vaginismus:
“I had the opportunity to spend some time with the guy I was seeing and although I was nervous (about vaginismus, not about him) I pretended that “it’d had been a while” and I wanted to take it slow. He totally understood and we were able to achieve penetration on our “first” physical night, with little pain, lots of excitement and a lot of fun! Since then, it’s been getting better as I’ve learned to understand what I like, feel less nerves and become a bit more open with myself… he still has no idea about my struggles with vaginismus, and every now and then comments on how much better it is “now that we know each other”.”
I 100% know that you will find someone who is patient and it will go great.
I also am extremely frustrated that so many doctors and nurses know so little about vaginismus. The one thing that we can collectively do is work to advocate and educate so all people learn of it. In one of many of Dr. Pacik’s published clinical opinions, they included a table concerning comments that patient’s do not want to hear: http://www.vaginismusmd.com/support/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=755
I also recently read an article from Maze Women’s Sexual Health about this topic:
“…[t]he other day I had a woman state that she had been to numerous doctors, who told her the pain she was experiencing was “in her head.” Rather than acknowledge this issue or explore it, they dismissed her, her feelings, even her symptoms!
What does this patient do? Feeling hopeless, as if pain during intercourse is something she would have to endure the rest of her life, she goes to the internet and finds something called vaginismus, painful intercourse . She reads testimonials on various websites, and learns that other women also experience pain during intercourse and this is not something “in her head.”
These women are, in fact, able to find treatment with specialists who have decades of experience with treatments, and which also house the newest solutions to this problem. At the Medical Center for Female Sexuality, we are able to treat patients with vaginismus relatively quickly in most cases; and most patients complete their treatment and go on to have satisfying, pain-free intercourse.
I commend women on their tenacity to find an answer to this problem and to not settle for “it’s in your head,” even if it comes from a powerful influencer such as a medical doctor. We know our bodies better than anyone can because we feel what is happening. So, trust those feelings and if you feel something that doesn’t seem quite right or the way you thought it should be, search until you get your answer or until you can find someone who can answer and acknowledge and treat this condition.”
Please know that I’m here for you always. I would love to hear from other Forum members here for their additional comments and thoughts.