Hi Linacast12 – I’m so sorry to hear about the pain you’ve been experiencing, both physical and emotional. The feeling of alienation was one of the hardest parts for me when I was younger and still dealing with vaginismus – it seemed like everyone around me was having sex effortlessly while I struggled to connect with partners I loved.
I want to second what Melissa said – there are many other treatment options out there besides only using dilators on your own, and for those of us with serious enough cases, we often need the extra help. I got the botox procedure under anesthesia and was able to have intercourse for the first time 20 days after the procedure even though I’d never been able to insert anything before that. I don’t think it would have been possible to make progress without that help given how severe my anxiety and my repelled reaction was. I strongly encourage you to look into this procedure or into seeing a pelvic floor therapist when you’re ready – this is NOT something you have to endure on your own or live with forever. Whenever you feel prepared to seek treatment, it is out there. Please let us know if there’s anything else we can answer, and I hope you won’t suffer in silence!