Hi Eli – thanks so much for posting here and sharing your story! I’m so sorry for all the pain you’ve been through, both as a result of your endometriosis and dealing with vaginismus. It’s so great that you want to work on it and meet a partner.
To learn a bit more about the intersection of sex work and vaginismus, I highly recommend this thread on our forums to learn more:
(paste this piece of text after the homepage of this website in a web browser – the forum doesn’t like me posting URLS right now!)
I think a lot of sex workers who work in this space get connected with clients through sex therapists or pelvic floor specialists, so if there’s one of those in your area, contacting them might be a good next step.
I also wanted to say something that I wish I had known when i was dealing with my vaginismus (which I wrestled with for almost 10 years before eventually getting treatment). I felt a lot of insecurity at not being able to have penetrative sex and usually didn’t handle that anxiety very well, but in reality you have a lot of power over whether or not you share your lack of experience and how you contextualize it. It may feel like people can take one look at you and see that lack of experience, but I’d bet anything that isn’t the case. People look for comfort and confidence, and if you’re interested in trying to date or kiss some people, they’ll likely never know your past unless you share it. Whether you choose to is up to you, but it’s totally valid to try going on dates and seeing how it feels before you share the experiences you’ve had. There is no wrong approach, but if you lead with confidence and the knowledge you are doing things how you want to, you will likely be surprised at the ways you can start to explore this side of yourself.