Hi Alexis, I hope you are doing well. What you said resonates with me because this was how I felt when I first tried to have sexual intercourse. We had failed attempts at it and it hurt so bad and I used to think whether it was hurting so much because it was my first time or what. During intercourse, my husband felt as if he was hitting a wall and I felt excruciating pain and no matter what we did, it won’t go in. After months of self-study on the internet, I found out that I had vaginismus. Your first time may or may not hurt but even if it does hurt, it should not be to the point that you are unable to have intercourse. Moreover, as you pointed out that you could insert toys, speculums etc., similarly I could insert fingers but a penis won’t go on’t go in. However, the good news is that vaginismus is curable and you can find plenty of posts in this group that can help you get through it. If you need any guidance or help, we are here for you. Good luck!