Reply To: Being single and dealing with vaginismus

[RachelS]

Hi Patty22,

I agree with all the excellent advice above surrounding continuing dilation and self exploration as you open yourself up to finding a partner to explore with. Just a small addition: Whomever you choose to share your body and being with, you want to feel safe with that person. Whether it’s a one night stand, FWB, or person that you’re in a relationship with, choose someone with whom you can be confident in your communication about your pleasure and comfort. It might help to practice lines with which you can communicate that you may need to go a bit slow such as “I’m excited to explore with you. I’ve struggled with pain during sex so I may need to go a little slow to ensure maximal pleasure, and I’ll communicate along the way.” You can dress this up to be a bit sexier as well, if you’d like (words about what you’re excited to play with). You can further the discussion by asking him what he likes etc. Reminder that even though you are ‘ready to go’, you can still continue playing with outercourse as a part of the fun!

Communication is helpful in any context, even with a one night stand.

Congratulations on your work and progress!