Reply To: Sex workers and vaginismus

[juliefrance]

Hi sunnysonya,

Yes, it was my therapist who told me about the existence of sex workers trained to work with vaginismus patients. I don’t know if this is something that exists in all countries, and I even don’t know if this is allowed or tolerated by law in France. I was just given the name and phone number of someone who did this and I can tell your I was super nervous to call this guy. At the end I’m glad I did though.

As another person wrote here before, they accompany you in the process of learning to be intimate with someone. Their purpose is to take away all fears you might have, and this can be very broad, from insecurities concerning how your body looks like till not knowing how you can sexually please someone. My sex worker went step by step. Even showing my naked body to him was already a giant step at the start – I was really convinced he was going to run away when he saw my saggy boobs or my peach skin on my legs. While he touched me he taught me how things worked and how we could excite each other. At the end we had sex. That felt kind of weird and liberating at the same time. Weird because I wasn’t in love with him and it was purely a technical act, but also liberating since this was the first time I was able to have real sex with someone. He was also the first one to give me an orgasm, I never managed to do that myself. In reality they are a mixture between a pelvic floor therapist, sex ed and a psychologist.

What I really liked is that he was someone I could trust and had a lot of experience with vaginismus patients. If you’re single and you’ve finished your therapy, having to explain to a new partner you never had sex can be REALLY intimidating and you’re basically using your new boyfriend to test if everything works again. That is not the case with a sex worker.

If you’ve got other questions, I’m happy to answer them.