Reply To: “Technique” I’ve learned to share intimacy

[recessivegenequeen]

This was actually a problem that came up early in a relationship with a partner not related to the vaginismus I was dealing with at the time – I started dating a man who hadn’t had a partner in awhile and had gotten REALLY used to masturbating and the sensation of his own hand, and I was never able to finish him, he always had to finish himself off. A male friend of mine mentioned that it sounded like he was masturbating too much, so we had him stop masturbating completely and that really helped rewire him to be able to come from my touch instead of his own.

Especially when you’re getting treated for vaginismus or dealing with sexual pain, it’s easy to want to “get it over with” and to forget that sexual contact with your partner is often less about having an orgasm than it is about connecting intimately and physically. Stopping separate masturbation brings the shared intimacy back into the dynamic and can make the sex more connected.