blueclouds – thanks so much for sharing your story. My heart goes out to you – I think you’ve spoken of something that’s probably deeply true of many of us, which is that beneath the stories of our journeys toward healing are actions we’re not proud of. You were hurt badly and it’s understandable that you channeled the pain you felt into retaliation against men. I’ve felt similar resentments toward them while I was dealing with vaginismus that I’m not proud of now, but it often takes moving through treatment and feeling more normal again before we can reckon with those feelings. I’m glad you are examining your past actions and I hope you find peace in the path you had to take to get where you are. Understanding the actions we aren’t proud of is part of what makes us better people for the rest of our lives.