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Hi sunnysideup – thanks for posting! First of all, congrats on getting treatment for your vaginismus because that’s huge and something to be very proud of! It’s also a reason you should NOT give up if what you want is to have a baby! You already know you and your partner are capable of working through a sexual problem together as a couple, so this is just a different problem to apply your patience and coping skills to.

First of all, it’s SUPER common for the male partner to have issues during/after dealing with a female partner’s vaginismus. As much as we have to focus on ourselves while working through the pain, anxiety, shame, and other negative feelings of vaginismus, men carry a lot of emotions through that process too. Sometimes they develop issues getting erections because they’re afraid of hurting their partners. Other times (like it sounds like is happening here potentially) they aren’t used to the intensity of penetration or get so excited at what’s about to happen that they can’t control their ejaculation.

It’s possible that as your partner gets more used to having intercourse, his stamina will increase. But there are plenty of other options as well, things like numbing creams, pills, and behavioral modifications that can help hold ejaculation at bay. There are several things you can try and consider on the Mayo Clinic’s page on premature ejaculation here:

After dealing with vaginismus it can feel especially frustrating to have another sexual issue in the relationship to deal with, but try to think about it from the perspective that you have so many coping skills to apply to this situation. Our lives will likely have many sexual changes to deal with and you know how to roll with the punches. You have the strength to get through this!