Reply To: Chicken or egg?

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi lillyd – I’m so sorry to hear about the pain you’ve experienced, both with your gynecological exam and during sex. Vaginismus sucks (which I know firsthand from having dealt with it for 10 years before eventually getting treatment at the Maze clinic) and I think it’s extremely normal to try to figure out where your vaginismus “came from” when you’re in the midst of diagnosing and dealing with it.

I remember being obsessed with this question when I first learned what vaginismus was – I think I felt like having some sense of an origin story would “unlock” my situation. There are a lot of misconceptions out there that only people who have experienced trauma of some kind can have vaginismus, but I know know that isn’t true – sometimes it just happens and there isn’t a deeper reason beyond that our muscles are extra sensitive and tight or we’re anxious people and carry that tension in our vaginas.

There are lots of possible reasons, but the good thing is you don’t have to have a concrete answer to this question to seek treatment. Exploring the feelings you have around vaginismus is often a crucial part of getting past it since we often carry so much shame and anxiety around sex because of the pain, but even without knowing where exactly your vaginismus came from, you have the agency to figure out where it’s going by seeking treatment whenever you feel ready to. There are lots of experts here on the forums and out in the world and lots of options open to you if you choose them. You’ve already come far by figuring out what’s going on and enduring it this far – let us know if there’s other ways we can help you!