One of the main features of vaginismus is anxiety surrounding penetration.
I do think that you have some level of vaginismus.
Anxiety also heightens pain perception.
Starting to work with a home dilation kit might be a good first step. Dilators are often easier to use than tampons or qtips. They are made for vaginal insertion, and the small sizes are a great place to start.
If you are close to Maze, I would love for you to come see us for an evaluation. We could help you get started with dilation, and also guide you through an exam.