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Hi JCL1596 – I’m so sorry to hear about what you’ve been through. This strongly sounds like it could be vaginismus or another sexual pain disorder of some kind.

At any rate, feeling pain you don’t want during sex isn’t something you have to just tolerate. I hope you aren’t feeling down on yourself for not enjoying or looking forward to sex under these conditions – how could you when it causes discomfort both because of vaginal pain and because of your chronic illness?

Part of your recovery process will likely need to include rebuilding a more positive relationship between sex and pleasure for you, which is why a lot of people have a therapeutic component in their treatment, though everyone’s journey is different. I highly recommend ordering dilators as a first step – any kind of treatment path you do end up taking will involve the use of dilators of some kind. If you do consider going the botox route, we’ve got several people on the forums in the UK with vaginismus who have gotten botox in London, who you can read about here:

Please know you are strong for all that you’ve already endured, but that you shouldn’t have to feel pain during sex! Treatment and a happier sex life ARE possible. Let us know if you have any questions and I hope you’ll find a treatment plan that works for you!