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Like the others here, I had suffered in silence with this embarrassing problem for many years. It had damaged my marriage and my self esteem to the point that I felt completely worthless and at times was angry with God for “making me this way”. I married my high school sweetheart and although I had an idea that something wasn’t quite right before, it wasn’t completely evident until our honeymoon that we were going to have problems. I spent the next few years beating myself up for this. My husband was supportive through the whole thing but obviously without that physical connection we drifted apart. I saw an OB/GYN that basically made me feel like I was a failure of a woman, that I needed to “just use more lube” and “relax”. Of course, this only made things worse because it made it feel like this was all in my head.
My husband and I continued on like this and going through the motions, and to my surprise, I actually did become pregnant. Yes, me with vaginismus. I was getting ready to go to my best friend’s bachelorette party and realized that I was late so I tested and thought I was going to have a heart attack, thinking this was impossible. Well, not impossible as I later found out but highly unlikely. I found a new OB/GYN and she explained what a “splash pregnancy” was and that I was in fact, pregnant. Although she didn’t have any professional experience with vaginismus patients herself, a colleague of hers had. She was very patient and compassionate through the entire pregnancy, never pressuring me to undergo vaginal ultrasound or any other internal exam for that matter. My labor was induced just so that they could try and keep ahead and the labor and my epidural was given about an hour after I checked in and they started the Pitocin. She only attempted to break my water after the epidural was in full swing and labor/delivery proceeded from there. It all went very smoothly considering the situation. It wasn’t until after my son was about 3 years old that we found Dr. Pacik. See, the one thing that my doctor had wrong was that having my son would correct my problem. She felt that this would stretch the vaginal muscles out and this would do the trick. Well, quite the contrary. This actually worsened the problem. It was only after my son was about 3 years old did we find out about Dr. Pacik and the amazing work that he is doing. After lots of convincing from my husband, we took a leap of faith and scheduled the procedure. Once we were there, I was immediately made to feel at home. Dr. Pacik came in and explained the procedure in depth, we filled out the paperwork and was taken down to the room to change. One of the great things that I don’t think I ever thanked Dr. Pacik and his staff for was their smooth operation and not making me wait to get this over with. Before I knew it, I was waking up with the largest dilator in place. I was shocked. Speechless. We spent the next few days working with Dr. Pacik and Ellen (who by the way is wonderful and hilarious) going through how to use the dilators, talking about how to progress to intercourse, basically any and all questions were answered. I was relieved to finally have this behind me and I knew that it had worked. I was faithful with using the dilators and was able to achieve intercourse within the first 2-3 weeks home. Of course it was slow-going at first, but now my husband and I enjoy a normal, healthy sexual relationship and I have Dr. Pacik and his wonderful staff to thank for that. It truly saved my marriage and I believe that God placed this group of people in our lives.