I remember you well and am sorry to hear that you are still struggling. I have had patients who struggled for a 12-14 months post procedure, but with enough effort were able to be successful. This can be very stressful and deflating.
Here are some suggestions:
Send me either your daily dilation logs or let me know what you are up to in a narrative.
I recall you advanced to the #5, but from your post you appear to be stuck at the #4 level. There were indications you needed to advance to #7.
It would be fine to start the lidocaine jelly again either 1% over the counter or 2% with a Rx. This will not hurt you.
Try putting the dilator in the fridge so it is nice and cold when inserting. This may help. A cold dilator can be combined with the lidocaine can be helpful.
When you communicate with me let me know your level of anxiety.
I would be happy to speak to you by phone once I bring myself up to date with your dilation schedule.
Hope this helps.