I do have anxiety but it isn’t nearly as bad as it was in the beginning. I actually feel that the pain is causing my anxiety. Of course, I suppose I’ll never know which came first. When it doesn’t hurt, I feel relaxed. When it starts hurting really bad my anxiety spikes. Or, does it not hurt BECAUSE I’m relaxed? What a horrible pain and anxiety cycle.
I did use the lidocaine mixed with the lubricant a lot in the beginning and it did help a lot, but I remember Dr Pacik saying that I shouldn’t continue to use it for too long or I’ll become reliant on it. So I stopped.
I guess part of my frustration is that since the treatment, the muscle spasms have gone away. Thats how I’m able to dilate in the first place. So I feel like my body should react like any other normal woman. Other women don’t still feel so much pain 6 months after having sex for the first time, so why do I still have so much pain 6 months after starting dilation? That may be a stupid question, but one that’s been on my mind a lot.