“Many of us pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that we hurry past it.”
~ Søren Kierkegaard
In the classical myth told by Ovid, Pleasure is the daughter of Eros, the god of love, and Psyche, his earthly bride made immortal. The name Psyche shares the same root as the word psychology: spirit or mind. In one interpretation this ancient tale illustrates that pleasure is born from mindfulness (Psyche) and a uniting intention (Eros). Indeed, this sounds like the erotic formula for every coupling from Internet dating and tearoom cruising to sex surrogacy and marriage. It can be counterintuitive, but pleasure requires planning and self-knowledge in the same way vacationing can take as much effort and thought as working.
Sexual feelings set off nerve-bundles and neurochemicals within the body that are more intense and immediate than those which other enjoyable activities activate. Sex creates pleasurable sensations that are distinctly personal. Maybe this is one reason our sex organs are called private parts–not because they must be kept private, but because intense pleasurable sensations are experienced individually. It requires effort to share our sexual pleasure with a partner. But to show pleasure is to grow pleasure, for ourselves as well. Unfortunately our society often disdains any open display of unpretentious sexuality, regardless of whether it’s healthy or destructive.
When people compulsively pursue pleasure, especially in sex and love addiction, they’re not aware how much of the hunt is actually un-pleasurable. Whenever preceding or resulting pain is greater than the fleeting payoff, we should question the effectiveness of the enterprise. We can ask ourselves whether the enjoyment creates valued memories and anecdotes for years to come, or must be crushed and hidden upon consummation. Pleasure of which we are aware, and which we can share, has life and will continue to exist–much like the immortal progeny of Eros and Psyche.
DAILY HEALTHY SEX ACTS
• Consider what brings you pleasure, and how you share your pleasure with others. Do you narrate the enjoyable sensations you receive like making a report? Do you convey your feelings wordlessly, with sounds or facial expressions? Or do you count on their being communicated by themselves, as through osmosis?
• Experience pleasure today, and let yourself show it. First, practice alone and relay your feelings out loud. When you feel comfortable, practice sharing your experience of simple pleasures with other people.
From the MIRROR OF INTIMACY book The Daily Meditation Book by Alexandra Katehakis and Tom Bliss
There is considerable value to this article. Too often one does not emote ones feelings and experiences leaving the other person in the dark regarding whether something is pleasurable or not. We all rely on this type of feedback for future behavior patterns. Feedback is often more than words. During love making sounds are just as important if not more so. Given the low libido that so many women (and some of their partners) with vaginismus experience it is fairly common that individuals become closed to expressing themselves. For those who feel closed make an effort to become more open and transparent in your interaction.