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Dr. Pacik

“Everyone suffers at least one bad betrayal in their lifetime. It’s what unites us. The trick is not to let it destroy your trust in others when that happens. Don’t let them take that from you.”
~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

Deception, dishonesty, and deceit are painful to experience, whether we’re on the receiving or giving end. The more deeply we are in relationship with another, the more we open ourselves up to be hurt. In life, we inevitably hurt and disappoint those we love; this seems to be the nature of human relatedness. Yet when we deliberately set out to deceive another, we step out of our integrity, violate the other’s trust, and activate shame in ourselves. Betraying another is almost always the result of an earlier experience of betrayal in a cycle of abuse. Being betrayed by a trusted other, especially by a lover, is one of the most painful experiences we can endure.

If you have betrayed another or have been betrayed, take stock of what you did or how you reacted. Then take the necessary time to forgive yourself or another. Whether the two of you stay involved in each other’s lives or part ways for self-protection’s sake, it can take years to restore trust or to forgive someone who’s betrayed you. There’s no prescription for how long these processes take, so don’t force or rush these complicated matters. Give yourself a break, take the time you need and as nature takes her course, you will naturally heal and become stronger.

• Make a list of persons you have betrayed in your life. Have you made amends? Have you forgiven yourself for your misdeeds? Today, take one step toward repairing your wrongdoing.
• If you’ve been betrayed, how do you protect your heart today? Betrayal trauma, a form of psychological trauma, requires healing–sometimes through professional help. Have you forgiven the betrayer? If not, why? Holding on to resentment, hurt, and anger is a form of drinking your own poison.
• Let go today and let nature take her course.

From the MIRROR OF INTIMACY book The Daily Meditation Book by Alexandra Katehakis and Tom Bliss