Hello Eli. My name is Mark, and I’m one of the sex workers who “learns” vaginismus patients to have sex. I usually work with sex counselors or pelvic floor therapists. I’m not sure there are colleagues doing the same in other parts of the world though, so if I were you, I’d ask my PT if he or she knows if there are sex workers available to help you out.
I’ve been working with 30, 40 and even 50 year old vaginismus patients, who never had sex in their entire life. You’re not alone. As in your case, some of them have never kissed a guy or seen a penis before. So we start by showing them how things look like, how a penis feels – a bit of a biology lesson really. I show them how an ejaculation looks like, they can feel, taste if they want, play around with my penis, try things out at their own pace… after that, we try to do the same on them, so we explore the vulva, vagina, clitoris, try to discover what feels good, try to give them an orgasm, etc… and at the end, if the client wants to, we can have sex, which is usually a VERY emotional moment for older women. I recently worked with a 38 year old patient and she cried when she had her first orgasm while we were having sex.
If you have insecurities around intimacy, I think a sex worker is always a great investment.