It’s that time of year when people are thinking about their new year’s resolutions. And while there are lots of great ideas for what you can plan to accomplish in 2021 (just celebrating that it is no longer 2020 is a great start), might I suggest resolving to either improve or get more out of your sex life? As with all things when it comes to sex, different things work for different people. But here’s a list of some suggestions for ways to spice things up and really make 2021 a whole lot better.
Get yourselves in the mood…
Some women need more time to become sexually aroused, so here are some tips for ways to get turned on instead of diving right into sex.
- Incorporate massage: we’re all a little stressed and tense right now (or am I just projecting…) and giving or receiving a massage can be a wonderful way to reduce tension and help us get in the mood (our libidos tend to take a nose-dive when we’re stressed). Lower the lights, put on some soothing music (I think cello is very sexy), and light a few candles (or just set whatever scene is sexiest for you!) Use coconut or massage oil--just be very careful if latex condoms will be joining the party at some point, as oils can break down latex.
- Take a bath: if your bathtub is big enough for two, hop in with your partner! This is a great way to relax and be close together.
- Sexting: even if you’re constantly in the same space as your partner, sexting throughout the day can help build anticipation and desire. Share some of the things you want to do with them, or air some of your fantasies without the pressure of staring them in the face while you do it.
- Wear lingerie: while people normally think of sexy lingerie as something you wear to turn on your partner, it can also help YOU get in the mood. Rocking something sexy can help you feel like the confident badass you are, which can help you get in the zone.
Once you’re turned on...
- Rethink our definition of “sex”: our society often defines “sex” as “intercourse,” with that additionally being the end goal of a sexual encounter. But we should be thinking more broadly: oral is sex, fingering is sex--and if you have a vagina, the odds of you orgasming are a lot higher for external (instead of internal) stimulation. Try different things and see what you like, intercourse doesn’t have to be the end all and be all.
- Use lube: I’ve written previously about why you should use lube, and I stand by it!
- Masturbate together: this goes back to the idea of expanding what we think of as sex, and mutual masturbation can be a great way of increasing sexual intimacy. Plus, no one knows what you like better than yourself, so this is a great way of showing your partner what makes you feel good.
- Try role-play and/or toys: trying something new can be a great way to spice things up. Act out a sexual fantasy or bring your vibrator to bed. Find out how to choose the right vibrator for you.