The Big-O
"Orgasm" is the word used to describe the intense sensation experienced at the peak of sexual excitement. Most women (hovering somewhere around 96%) can have orgasms. There is a direct correlation between ability to experience orgasm and sexual satisfaction (as most women who have them will assure you). The corollary, that the inability to achieve orgasm lowers a woman's level of sexual satisfaction, is also true.
There have been numerous books that try to describe what women (and men) feel during orgasm. And as you might expect, describing a feeling or an experience of a feeling is quite difficult. Here’s how I describe it to my patients: When you get aroused (or turned on) you usually build that arousal, getting more and more turned on, until something happens. That “something” feels discreet, (that is different from what came before and what comes after), is a physical reaction and “takes over your body” kind of like a sneeze. Strikingly, although the descriptions vary widely, there is a great deal of overlap between the descriptions given by men and women. Usually, if you’ve had an orgasm, you know it.
Helpful Resources
What happens when a woman has an orgasm?
During the excitement phase, when a woman becomes “turned on” typically her breasts swell up, her nipples become erect and her uterus tips downward. At this point additional stimulation to her clitoris, vulva, and vagina will bring on general body tension and will increase blood flow to the vulvar/vaginal area. As the blood keeps building in the vulvar/vaginal area, a woman will experience her genitals as tense and tight.
This feeling, often accompanied by tingling, swelling and wetness is generally experienced as pleasurable. During this time a woman is also receiving neurological stimulation. The nerve endings in her clitoris, vagina and vulva are being stimulated and are experiencing greater and greater stimulation.
At the point where the stimulation reaches a crescendo, the nerves “shoot off” to release tension. A series of involuntary contractions occur in response. The contractions, which occur in the uterus and vagina, carry the blood away from the genitals and back to the rest of the body (unless she tries to have another orgasm). Most women experience this resolution time as one where tension fades away and there is a general relaxed feeling in the genitals.
If you want to have this explained further, click on this YouTube video and download our free mini e-book on Orgasms Explained.
Is there a difference between a vaginal orgasm and a clitoral orgasm?
There is no such thing as a “clitoral” or a “vaginal” orgasm. There are orgasms. Period. Some women enjoy stimulation more in one part of their genitals than other parts. Some women have more nerve endings in one part of their genitals than other parts. No orgasm is “better” than another and there is no evidence that one type of orgasm is more intense than another! However, wherever and with whomever you choose to have an orgasm, enjoy yourself. They are good for you, helping to bring blood into the vaginal area, keeping your vagina moist and supple. Best of all, they feel great!
I can't seem to have an orgasm with intercourse. Why not?
Only 30% of women achieve orgasm through intercourse. In many women the position and stimulation of the clitoris, during sexual intercourse is not conducive to orgasm and there is no way that intercourse alone can produce an orgasm. A good analogy might be to consider attempting to bring a man to orgasm by rubbing his testicles only. It is unlikely that without proper stimulation of the penis he will reach orgasm and it is unlikely that without proper stimulation of your clitoris you will reach orgasm.
If you fall into this category, you need to realize that you are not anorgasmic, merely typical, and there are many alternatives for you: your partner can stimulate you manually either during, prior to, or after intercourse, you can stimulate yourself manually during intercourse, or you can try out alternatives to your love-making including oral sex or manual stimulation or a vibrator. There is a device available that functions as a small vibrator specifically meant for use during intercourse. Generally a combination and variation of the above methods allow couples to have intercourse and also allows the woman to have the release of an orgasm.
You can also learn to experience an orgasm!
Contact Us for a free phone consultation or for more information.
In A Patient's Own Words:
"The hardest thing about going to Maze Women’s Sexual Health was trying to figure out how I was going to talk to them. I kept practicing the words in my head and I couldn’t figure out how to tell them that I wasn’t getting “turned on.” I wasn’t getting wet and sex just didn’t feel “good.” Like I thought it was supposed to. I didn’t even realize I wasn’t having orgasms.
The first visit was only hard for about the first two minutes. The doctors at the center were so great about asking questions. Talking to them seemed so normal that I forgot to be nervous. I felt like I was talking about shopping.
They prescribed some creams, some medicine and let me try out some vibrators.
I couldn’t believe I was using a vibrator. Me! I’ll never forget the first time I tried it by myself and all of a sudden I understood what everyone was talking about and what I had been missing! But then I had to break the news to my husband. We had been having sex for about 10 years and he thought everything was fine.
I never told him the truth. The doctors at the center helped me with that too. We spent time talking about how to talk to him, how important it was to tell him the truth. Eventually I did tell him. He was pretty upset initially, but then, when he got over it, he seemed really excited and happy that things were changing for me.
We have a great sex life now and I feel “normal,” thanks to everyone at Maze."
Read more patient testimonials about treating orgasm challenges.