Home Forums Vaginismus Support Group Vaginismus for the Men 12 years. Help. Reply To: 12 years. Help.


FranklinDTG, thank you for opening up and sharing your insights. It sounds like this has been a painful process for you and I’m glad to hear that you have some measure of peace around this element on which you and your wife don’t align.

It’s interesting to hear that your wife is interested in exploring the botox procedure. I have had it myself and experienced great success with it (after 9 years of penetration being totally impossible, I was able to have intercourse for the first time 20 days after getting the botox). However, to succeed with the botox procedure requires dedication to the followup treatment, namely dilating every day. It took me REALLY wanting to work on this problem to finally see results, and for someone to have success with botox they need to have a similar commitment to really wanting it to work and being willing to put in the time and effort, day in and day out, even when they aren’t in the mood.

I bring this up because I think it’s worth you and your wife (or even just your wife on her own) exploring more deeply the question of whether she’s asexual with a therapist or other trained specialist before you embark on the vaginismus treatment journey. A lot of what you’ve said does suggest that she’s either asexual or just has a very low level of desire, and if she isn’t truly interested in building a healthy sex life and investing the time and effort (as well as money) that will take, it isn’t likely to work as a procedure in the long run. Botox isn’t a one-and-done solution as much as it is a way to break down the initial wall that keeps so many women from being able to make progress with getting more comfortable with penetration, so she should be dedicated to making that work in a very active way if she wants to see results.

I am really glad you are able to have a healthy perspective around the things that are working in your marriage. If your wife is indeed asexual, her lack of sexual feelings have nothing to do with her fondness for you, and I hope you can find a way to be even happier in your marriage. Let us know if you have other questions that come up – we are always happy to help!