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Hi Sweet Cindy,

Thank you for your post. Not everyone presents the same with vaginismus.

I would say that you do have some level of vaginismus. You are describing an anxiety with penetration, in conjunction with your body’s response of tensing the muscles.

It seems you have conditioned yourself to relax enough for his fingers over time, but not enough for his penis (which is much bigger).

I would recommend getting a set of dilators to start working with. Your partner can even help insert the dilators for you. Once you are able to insert a size that is comparable to his penis, I think having intercourse will be a lot easier for you.

I like to recommend dilating right before intercourse as well, to help with ease of initial penetration.

And even though you are having difficulty with your own finger, that is ok, everyone is different. This too might get easier if you start dilating.

Hope this helps.