kgilbs98, I’m so sorry about the pain and distress you’ve experienced at the gynecologist, as well as with sex. I used to have this same problem and couldn’t tolerate exams at all. When I was younger i had a pap smear under anesthesia, which is definitely an option. I recommend inquiring about the costs around this depending on your insurance situation just so you know what something like that would cost if it interests you.
I eventually got the botox procedure and worked with dilators, which helped a lot, but I still dealt with a lot of anxiety around the gynecologist for awhile after that. It helped a lot to eventually find a gynecologist I really trusted and felt I could talk to. I made sure she explained everything she was doing before she ever touched me, which helped a lot. Dilation like Melissa suggested would also likely help you stretch your muscles and also develop more confidence that items like speculums could be inserted comfortably.