Agreed with everything Melissa just said – and also, I’ve seen other posts in these forums talking about devices that can be used to transfer your semen inside of your partner, so you might look into options like that as well if you’re trying to conceive soon. I can’t remember what it was called but hopefully if you explore these forums a bit you may find it.
I’m sorry you and your partner have been struggling with vaginismus – I know how hard it is on a relationshiP! But it’s great that you are a partner that cares about your wife’s experience and are helping her seek help. Best of luck to you and I hope your wife does look into using dilators, it’s a great place to start.