Hi Annabelle – you’re totally right that this is a common situation. The fact is, it takes a lot of time and effort to go through vaginismus treatment! Whether you’re dilating, doing pelvic floor therapy, or something else, it feels like WORK – which is why sometimes it can feel like even more effort to then be intimate with your partner. Like you’ve said, you often feel like you don’t want to bother with engaging the other person if a quick orgasm is all you’re after, and that’s okay! A big part of it depends on what you hvae going on in your life and how much time and energy you have.

Stopping masturbating can work (and is more targeted at situations where the male partner struggles to maintain arousal during intimacy), but another thing that can work is scheduling intimate time with your partner. This often gets a bad rap as it can seem very clinical or overly strict, but a lot of busy adults with complicated lives find themselves liberated if they know when sex will and won’t be happening and aren’t stressed about whether they’re having it often enough. You can also agree to schedule it as often as feels right – for some people, this will be three times a week, for others, once every two weeks, but wherever you land, it can take off some of the pressure while you’re already putting so much effort into treating your vaginismus.