Home Forums Vaginismus Support Group Vaginismus General Disconnect between dilators and sex? Reply To: Disconnect between dilators and sex?


Hi newbie! In my personal experience, time spent dilating is less important than dilating on a regular schedule. I think it’s better to dilate 10 minutes every single day than to dilate every other day for 30 minutes, for example. By dilating every day, you’re getting your body used to a routine, and it’s also easier in my opinion to say to yourself “this is something I need to do every day” rather than try to decide on a day-by-day basis whether you “feel like” dilating. You may already be doing this, but if so, I want to enforce that I think it’s one of the most important parts of the process! Also, there WILL be some days that dilating is harder than others – our bodies change a lot over the course of our menstrual cycle and in response to things like stress in other parts of our lives, but i think if we dilate every day it’s also a little easier to notice that we’re struggling because it’s an off day and not because we’ve hit a wall of some kind on that progress.

In terms of what’s best to do DURING dilation, especially if you’re doing it for a shorter time, I think it’s more valuable to practice inserting and removing the dilator several times as well as wiggling it around. There is also value in just leaving the dilator in for a few minutes, but spending more time practicing insertion and removal and moving the dilator once it’s inside you emulates some of the in-out motion of intercourse and can be a good way of being able to tell how comfortable you are with a dilator size. I recommend during a session, starting with the size you’ve already “mastered,” doing the in-out-wiggle routine for a bit, then moving up to the size you’re currently working on mastering and leaving that one in for longer to stretch out your muscles. Then you’re getting a lot of different kinds of stretching in!

if you have more time to dilate every day, that’s great and will never hurt i think. But if you have less time but can use it on a more active and engaged session with more dilation movement, I think you’ll see more results!