Really great additional advice here about dilation, Heather! Newbie, this is useful to know. I totally get it – the “big pink” dilator in the set I used was the one that just seemed absurdly big and hard to work with. That one was never a walk in the park to insert and I couldn’t get it very far in, but it WAS an important step of the process to be able to work on it at even a preliminary level. There’s a lot of reasons why the Maze Clinic’s suggestion not to attempt penetrative intercourse until you can insert a dilator larger than your partner’s penis makes sense. For one thing, it ensures that your muscles are stretched and familiar with an object of that size so there isn’t a shock or major pain from your partner’s penis. It also has a useful psychological effect because once you KNOW you can insert an object bigger than your partner’s penis, you’ll have confidence when you try to transition to intercourse.
Dilation takes how long it takes, and every woman is different. I think you just need more time with the dilators and to work toward being less scared of the largest one so you can start to move more toward your partner’s penis size. If the difference between the biggest dilator and the next-biggest dilator is larger, you might also try ordering a dilator from another set in an in-between size so that you can work up more gradually. Hope this helps and let us know how it goes!