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Hi feline – thanks so much for sharing your story here. Everyone’s journey through vaginismus and other sexual issues is different and the parts that are unique to you can be especially illuminating to other women on the same journey.
You make a great point, especially as many people with vaginismus have to find alternate ways of being intimate with their partners – but even this doesn’t fully work for you because you’re not experiencing orgasms! Is this something your pelvic floor therapist has focused on at all? Part of what is so frustrating as a woman about figuring out our sex life is that good sex should not only be the absence of pain, but also the presence of pleasure, and both of those are separate and BIG challenges to overcome in some relationships.
I’m glad you have a great and supportive partner to explore this stuff with. A book I read recently that you mind find helpful is the book Sex Points by Bat Sheva Marcus who’s the clinical director of the Maze Clinic that runs these forums. She has a whole focus on the orgasm as a problem area in a person’s sexual life, I highly recommend checking out her book:
I’m sorry you’ve had so many problems with your sex life, I know how endlessly frustrating it can be. You are brave and strong for how much you have already overcome, and I hope you find solutions that work for you to help with your anorgasmia! Let us know if you have other questions or there’s any way we can help.