NERJONO, thanks for sharing your story and I’m sorry to hear about your negative experience with your first gynecologist visit! What an absolutely horrible way to be treated – I’m still amazed that so many people in the medical profession can be so judgmental, compassionless, and just plain wrong.
As it was explained to me, there are different levels of vaginismus – it exists on a spectrum and there isn’t one way it shows up. I was told about a 1 to 5 scale, with 5 being that you’re jumping off the examination table if anyone comes near you level bad. A lot of patients who go to Maze (and many who end up on these forums) seek help because they’re on the more severe/intense end of the spectrum – this also looks like extreme pain upon penetration or penetration being completely impossible, being unable to even be touched near your vagina without anxiety, etc. It’s possible that NERJONO has a much milder version of vaginismus where she’s still on the 1 or2 end of things and experiencing more tension than is comfortable in her vagina at times, or she could just be one of the many, MANY women who needs foreplay to be sufficiently warmed up before sex. I think regardless of whether it’s technically vaginismus or not, getting some pelvic floor therapy or dilating to stretch out those muscles a bit will still help her have less painful intercourse at times and feel more confident during sexual interactions. It’s great that you’re looking into this, NERJONO!