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Hey Jonathan
Thank you for sharing your story here! We often do not get a lot of male posts so this is very helpful for the men dealing with partners with vaginismus who come across this forum! Unfortunately, male sexual dysfunction is very common amongst a partner with vaginismus. What is also very common, is figuring out how to have sex, and enjoy it! My sister once told me, when I first became cured and began having sex with my husband, it was not good at all and we felt very out of sync, she told me it takes time to learn each other in that way. Even though we had been intimate prior for years, sex was still somehow very different and foreign. I really thought it was more simple, just put it in and you’re good to go, magic happens. But it’s so far from the truth and a whole new experience on it’s own. And she was right. In the beginning of our new, penetrative sex life, it was weird and no fun really but we were in our learning period and we quickly caught on and found what we love the most and now have mind blowing sex! The best thing you two can do, is communicate what you are feeling in regards to sex often. Communicating with each other and being verbal and upfront about what you both like and dislike is very important and helpful! There are also lots of great tools and books available that will both make things super fun and also educate you both! I highly suggest Bat Sheva’s book that is advertised here, because she is a very smart woman and knows a lot about sex. You guys can set the mood to ease the tension with candles and maybe a super silly movie beforehand! There are lots of fun toys to make sex really enjoyable for your spouse! I prefer a penis ring, a vibrating penis ring to stimulate my clit because it’s way more enjoyable to be stimulated in 2 different ways than just one! There are also delay sprays so you can last longer! But I really feel, the more you two experiment, you will both fall in alignment with each other, and never look back! You guys will be having mind blowing sex before you know it! You just need to get acquainted with each other in this very new experience! 🙂