Completely agree with what SexlessInSeattle said! It is really REALLY hard sometimes but it’s important to be as honest as you can with your OBGYN about your issues. As a former vaginismus sufferer I know how embarrassing it can feel to have to explain your issue, but doctors really have seen it all over the years and they can’t help you as effectively if they don’t know what your personal priorities are as a patient. If you need to be on birth control, there are plenty of less invasive options for you – the pill and the arm injection both might be viable options for you that will be less likely to cause you distress. it’s also possible to get physical exams under anesthesia at certain places, so that might be an option you can consider as well.
Keep at it and do be kind to yourself! It’s hard and you’ve been very brave, but sometimes you have to be your own advocate at the doctor so you can get what you really need!