Internal exams are a nightmare to most vaginismus patients. I think in some cases they might even make the vaginismus worse, but unfortunately those exams are necessary for your own health. Don’t skip them since PAP smears are absolutely needed!
Prior to each exam, I always tell the gyn I have vaginismus. The best gyns are helpful and try to be gentle, others (in my experience: mostly women) think I’m overreacting, exaggerating and have no compassion at all. It’s sometimes incredible to see that something so many women suffer from, is met with so little understanding.
I always take my husband with me, and I make sure he is standing stand next to me during the exam. Him being around makes things a little less uncomfortable. Also, I take a pain killer one hour before my appointment, although I’m not really sure that helps. The “try to relax” thing is b***shit. In all honesty: most of the time I’m “praying it will be over soon”. Luckily a PAP smear doesn’t take long.
Sorry I haven’t got a more positive story to tell.