Hi innezzz – I’m really curious about the best way of handling this myself since I really have no idea, although “forcing” your daughter to dilate before she’s ready would probably be counterproductive.

I think a big advantage you have is an awareness of the pain that can happen during sex and what treatment options are possible. If your daughter isn’t interested in inserting anything yet, probably the best thing you can do for her is to let her know what kind of options exist and give her the knowledge she needs to seek out dilators or whatever else she decides when she’s ready or more motivated to pursue penetration in some form. Much like in seeking treatment for vaginismus, I would think that it’s important to be ready on your own timeline – no one can make you ready but you!