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Hello Olive123! I’m so sorry that you had a doctors visit like that! My gyn did the same to me! She told me to just lube up, drink a glass of wine and relax. Not helpful at all. And yes you can absolutely have vaginismus and still be able to have a speculum inserted. Vaginismus has all different severities! I think it’s great that you want to start taking action! It is so easy to avoid and ignore due to how overwhelming it feels. But, vaginismus is very much curable!! I know the speculum hurt you, but having been able to get that in is impressive!! I think you should find yourself a dilating kit and start there! The kit I purchased when I was dilating is called the Pure Romance dilating kit and they’re all pretty colors so it makes it a bit more comforting and cute to look at 🙂 The kits start with dilators that are as small as your pinky, and slowly work their way up. Just like going to the gym, you wouldn’t be able to grab a 50lb weight so you’d start with maybe 5lbs and work your way up! The vagina is a muscle, and all it needs is some physical therapy to get rid of those involuntary spasms. When dilating, you want a consistent schedule. You want to aim for almost every day of the week, and 20 minutes a day. During this time, in my opinion… it makes the world of difference if you spoil yourself during dilation! I used to lay on a heating pad(for comfort) and I would do this in my room, on my bed watching tv and id put on a really good tv show or movie and id surround myself with pillows so I was extra comfy! When you begin, insert the dilator and leave it there for a minute and allow your vagina to adjust to the size. Then take it all the way out and put it back in(working on desensitizing the entrance of the vagina to work on those muscles that don’t want to allow penetration) and then once it is back in, you can slowly start moving it in and out. You don’t need to take it out fully during this part of your dilating session. And if you’re feeling up to it, you can lay down and leave your dilator in while you watch a movie. It’s not necessary, but it also doesn’t hurt to put in extra work! Move up in size when your current dilator becomes a breeze. You can also try inner vaginal massages. That’s when you use your finger or tiny dilator, and just gently press up against the wall of your vagina, just up to the first knuckle on your finger, and go around and around to massage the pc muscles at the entrance. Please feel free to ask as many questions as you like, we’re here for you 🙂 I hope this helps!! You can beat this!!!