Reply To: Welcome New Members!

[nigelsmum]

Hello everyone. I am 39 years old and have had secondary vaginismus for more than 10 years. I had a perfectly normal, pain free sex life from 18 to about 27. At 27, I had a horrific gyno exam, where I was screaming in pain while my doctor ripped polyps from inside my vagina. From that point on, any time I tried to have sex, I’d freak out thinking of that time at the gyno’s office. I kept trying, but it was futile as it felt like knives stabbing me in the vagina repeatedly and my muscles would just tense up involuntarily not even allowing for much penetration at all. It was around this age that I met my now husband. He’s never known me pre-vaginismus, which makes me so sad. He’s been super patient and he even married me with this condition! He is accepting and he tries to understand what I’m going through but I know it makes him uncomfortable to talk about it. He’s been better with understanding and empathy as the years have gone by, which is helpful. Gosh, I have so much to say about my situation that I don’t know where to start or stop. Anyway, this issue has affected me physically obviously, but more than anything else, it’s affected me mentally very badly. I never had depression a day in my life before vaginismus. Now, I’m at a point where I experience severe depression often. I have had anxiety since childhood, but it’s severe now since this issue. I feel worthless and useless and many times feel as if I’m on “borrowed” time and that my husband will eventually leave if I cannot have sex with him. We have stopped doing anything sexual for the most part, it just all became too frustrating and painful, physically and emotionally for me. Other than this, we have a really wonderful relationship, which I am incredibly grateful for. Lastly, I am having the Botox surgery for vaginismus in a few weeks in March, and I’m so excited to have found something that can help me, after years of physical therapy not really helping much. I just wanted to say hello and tell my story and see if I could find other women who have been through the same things as I have. Also, would love to hear advice/feedback from anyone who’s gone through the Botox procedure? Thanks so much for taking the time to read my story. 🙂