Hi Bweston – I’m so sorry to hear of your experience so far trying to get a diagnosis. A lot of us who have later been diagnosed with vaginismus or another pelvic pain disorder have experienced at least one medical professional who didn’t recognize the condition, including gynecologists.
Jess567 gave excellent advice – even calling can be hard, but you can protect yourself from especially vulnerable medical situations by calling first and assessing whether a clinic or practice seems familiar with conditions like vaginismus or whether they treat them.
I don’t know how close to London you are, but we’ve also got some really good information in this thread about getting botox in the London area – it tells you about some places that do the botox treatment if you ever decide to go that route and also talks about some places that have diagnosed people, so if those locations are at all accessible to you they’re useful to keep in mind as well:
Let us know how it goes – help is out there and it’s unfair that you have to work so hard to find it, but you will find support if you keep looking!