Home Forums Vaginismus Support Group Vaginismus General Made lots of progress, but struggling with transitioning Reply To: Made lots of progress, but struggling with transitioning


Hi Piscean77 – first of all, congratulations on your bravery for being willing to post on these forums and share your story! It’s not an easy thing to do, and it’s also clear that you’ve made a lot of progress and hav a trusting partner behind you who has supported you at every step. The first thing you should do is recognize just how much progress you’ve made so far that used to be impossible. It’s definitely slower going than we want after living with the problem for so long, but it’s a journey that takes how long it takes.

The transition from dilation to intercourse can be a very tricky part since it’s such a big emotional step. Is the largest dilator you’re using larger than your partner’s penis? For me it helped to be able to insert something bigger than my partner because it gave me the confidence to assume I’d be able to have my partner’s penis inside me without discomfort – in fact, it’s usually easier because a penis is softer and more pliant than a rigid silicone or plastic dilator. Dilating this size right before you’re attempting intercourse is the best way to prepare yourself, but you’re also doing good work in having your partner help insert the dilators sometimes to practice giving someone else control. And yes, lubricant is SOOOOO important, and the more the better! I’m 4 years out of having my vaginismus treatment and I still use lube copiously. You might also look at a lube designed specifically for sex (oils CAN work but also face complications when they come up against condoms or can be irritating to the body). I personally prefer a silicone blend like Sliquid Silk:

I hope some of this helps! Let us know how it goes for you – you’re so close, keep at it!