Hi @valentina – thanks so much for writing. And I encourage anyone who has had a vaginal birth post-vaginismus and would like to share their success stories to please do so here!
First of all, you sound like a a very courageous and resilient person, and I want to congratulate you on all the work you’ve accomplished to get you to where you are today! Secondly, your experience with anxiety right now is totally understandable. But over the next couple of months, I strongly suggest you leave no stone unturned regarding self-compassion and anxiety management. Do you have a trusted relationship with your OB who understands your concerns? Are you allowed to have a doula or other support person accompany you during labor and birth (should you want one)? Are you speaking with a therapist or counselor who specializes in vaginismus and perinatal issues and can help you process and strategize when it comes to coping emotionally? We can offer that to you here, if that’s of interest. While giving birth is an unpredictable process, preparing mind and body for as much as possible (and being flexible and open to change) can help you synthesize all that you need to, and it can help you have productive conversations with your support team.
RE: the Epi-No: not sure where you live but the device is not widely used here in the US. Ask your OB for evidence-based research to help you make the best decisions. There are other techniques women (and their birth team) can employ to help prevent tearing both prior to and during labor. Happy to speak further if you would like more information.
I wish you all the best, valentina!