Thanks so much for reaching out to the forum!
I think it is amazing that you are trying to figure this out, and we can help you through the process. Just wondering..do you use tampons? Are they difficult or painful to insert?
It is great that you can insert your own fingers into your vagina…has your boyfriend ever been able to insert his fingers into you? Was it painful?
I would recommend trying to insert dilators, or purchasing something smaller than your partner’s penis to penetrate with first to get used to penetration.
Is it possible that your partner is especially wide, and since you had some bleeding after the attempt, maybe his penis was going to cause more tearing and that is why you felt so much pain.
A dilator kit would really help you, and I think that is a good place to start. If you breeze through the dilators, and you can easily insert them, then vaginismus is less likely, and more likely your partner is just really big. If you struggle with the dilation, and have pain with even the small sizes, then it is more possible you have vaginismus, and I would seek help from a physical therapist of gynecologist.
And you can always give Maze a call for a 10 min consult.