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Hi cookieface716 – I’m so sorry to hear about the pain you’ve been feeling, both physical and emotional. Like Heather, I dealt with vaginismus for nearly 10 years before being able to treat it, and I felt all the same things you’re feeling now, especially that I was incurable and that no one would ever love me.

But those feelings of mine weren’t an accurate reflection of reality, and I don’t think yours are either. For one thing, there are a number of wonderful men out there who will love a woman with vaginismus and also work patiently with her to help her cure it. I have a friend with vaginismus who recently got the botox procedure and is working her way through dilators, and she’s been with her partner for nearly 10 years! There are other forms of intimacy besides intercourse and it’s possible to have an intimate sexual life without penetrative sex.

That being said, vaginismus is ALSO extremely curable. It likely doesn’t feel this way because you’ve been living with it for so long, but you’d be amazed how fully you can be cured and how the feelings associated with vaginismus – guilt, shame, inadequacy – can heal over time as you make progress and rewrite your own narrative.

It’s fantastic that your current partner is on board, and I agree with Heather that getting a set of dilators (I also used the Pure Romance set) would be a great place to start. Your partner can be a great source of emotional support in this journey and you can also make him a part of your treatment as you make progress and get closer to intercourse. A partner who’s game to help can insert the dilators and help you get used to being penetrated by someone other than yourself. At any rate, he seems like he cares about you and wants to help you reach your goals.

Trust yourself and know that a better life is possible. We’re always here to answer your questions, so please let us know how it goes!