Let me just start by saying how brave you are, sharing your story. This is a safe place. And you’re a strong and resilient woman! I suffered with vaginismus for 10 years. My parents were extremely strict. Between being told that sex is wrong and dirty and not allowed, girls scaring me with their hymen breaking stories, and my Mom introducing me to a female book with graphic pictures when I was way too young and not ready — I’d say that’s how I developed my vaginismus. Mine was too difficult to beat on my own, but I gave it a fair shot first! Years of trauma, like you have experienced, is hard to overcome. But very much so possible! Vaginismus stems from both mind and body so it’s important to work on both. Enjoying yourself sexually is already a GREAT step and accomplishment!! Now it’s time to un-learn negative thoughts around sex and start learning that it’s amazing, and you deserve it!!!! For me, the BOTOX treatment was key. I couldn’t progress in dilating. It’s amazing because you’re body is capable of it! You get to experience sex, and in doing so… you learn and teach your brain that it’s okay. And it’s allowed! You’ve overcome so much already, I know you can overcome this too! Knowledge is power! Find books that will teach you tricks to re wire those negative thoughts about sex into positive ones! Even therapy! I saw a sex therapist for a while and she taught me a lot. It’s also very healthy for healing past trauma. Also, during dilation, spoil yourself! Make it a relaxing part of your day! I would lay on a heating pad, put on a funny movie, and make a foot rest out of pillows! There’s so many tools out there to help you girly! I know you can do this! Sex is so worth it and you deserve to experience it safely and pleasurably! Keep us updated!