Home Forums Vaginismus Support Group Vaginismus Post-Procedure So many years of aversion, how to change? Reply To: So many years of aversion, how to change?

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recessivegenequeen
Participant

Hi maryro – I second Jackie’s congratulations for the progress you’ve made physically as well as diagnosing your problem – that moment can bring such clarity. Everything she said about preparing for a physical re-engagement is spot on, but I also want to address the emotional issues at play in your situation. Maybe your sex therapist has helped you to work through your infidelity and the other emotional issues that arise from not being able to have intercourse, but it’s also highly possible that some of these issues will still make themselves present in your relationship or that attempting to have intercourse with your partner will bring up feelings that need to be re-addressed. As someone who has dealt with vaginismus, I can say it made me feel very inadequate in my partnership and I have to imagine that your partner’s infidelity didn’t help any of those feelings you might have been having. If issues arise when you first try to be intimate again, I encourage you to examine how much of those issues could be physical or whether there are still difficult emotions to work through there. You will likely have to relearn trust, desire, and excitement, and that will take work. Be patient with yourself, ask questions, make yourself vulnerable and demand vulnerability form your partner as well.

Best of luck and I hope you’ve had total success. If not, don’t worry – it’s a long journey and you’ve already come a long way. You should be really proud.