Congratulations on all your success!!! That is so wonderful to hear! My husband was the same way at first. He had erection problems, but only because he feared hurting me. He knew that I had so much pain before so it really made him nervous to even be near there. It went away after the first few times. I must say, sex in the beginning is funky and weird but it gets so much better! It’s a learning process too because you both need to learn what each other likes, what works for you guys and what doesn’t.
I don’t know how you feel about sex games and sex shoppes but that really helped us build a really fun sex life and to transition from mechanical(routine and boring) to fun and eventful! We would go to sex shoppes and buy fun things, and try new things and I’d buy pretty lingerie. We’d also play sex games, to get us both in the mood. Basically these things just made the topic of sex more fun, it made us both more aroused, it made it more enjoyable and it helped my husband keep his erections and now we have no problems with that part. You could also try some spicy movies! Just some ideas that make sex more about fun than about dilating and vaginismus!
As for the lube, maybe you could get him used to how it feels by stimulating his penis with some on your fingers and hand? It is a yucky feeling lol! I hope this helps you!!